Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. |
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Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. |
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Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. is pleased to announce the publication of an exciting new book.
Multi-billionaire Tyler Venable has given us the exclusive marketing rights to his autobiography, entitled "How I blushed my way to immense wealth and power".
With the help of novelist Bessie Tuber, Venable has articulately laid out his amazing and compelling story.
An excerpt from the book gives a succinct overview of this poignant and amusing story:
Said Venable:
I was born with far below average intelligence, an exceedingly homely appearance, and a disposition toward overweening slothfulness and malingering. My family were all deceitful liars and abominable narcissists.
These qualities and more disreputable proclivities were passed on to me.
I was brought up in squalor. I received only a little education, mainly from my mother, who believed that human beings were products of an insane divine entity.
All through elementary school, teachers berated and harassed me, but I deserved all of it. Both my behavior and my academics were abominable. In addition I was (and still am) a frightened, cowardly sissy.
Yet, whenever I was called into the Principal's office, and berated by him (Mr. Chortles was his name), my face would sporadically redden as I crouched in abject terror. Mistaking my "blushing" as a sign of remorse and vulnerability, Mr. Chortles would soften his gaze and, in the end, excuse me for my failings and return me to class.
It wasn't until much later in life that I discovered that I suffered from a rare malady called "Crimsonola Intermittanis". The cause of this disease is, to date, unknown. Other than continual sporadic "blushing" the only other known effect of "Crimmy" (as the disease is termed in layman's slang) is that those affected are likely to suddenly become both incontinent and irrational at age fifty seven. As I am now fifty three I look forward to this occurence with a mixture of dread and whimsy.
The book goes on, though a series of terse vignettes, to describe how his random displays of blushing overcame every failure in Venable's life, and resulted in his receiving the compassion of others and many undeserved rewards. We were particularly enamored of his description of his exploits as a reindeer handler, and how that led to his appointment as Finnish ambassador to Cyprus.
You may reserve your advance copy of this book by contacting Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. Director of Artistic Endeavors Enoch Soames. Dr. Soames may be located in the rotunda of the Utah state capitol building every Monday through Thursday from 10AM until sunset.
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