Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. |
 |
|
|
|
Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. |
|
|
|
|
Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. has taken a leading role in the war against vetting. We are an instrumental part of the effort to convince the US congress to pass legislation banning this barbaric practice. For those of you unaware of the existence of "vetting", it is a brutal, largely secretive, and torturous ordeal inflicted on candidates for some job openings, most nefariously, on those nominated for high level government positions.
Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. wholeheartedly supports the efforts of the non-profit organization called NERVE (The National Endeavor to Remove Vetting Entirely). And, to aid in these efforts, we have contributed over twenty of our patented Ion-Driven, Sub-Molecular Plated Remote Thermal Leakage Imagers. These machines, though typically used for the more mundane application of dance hall illumination, are quite capable of remotely sensing vetting activities and recording it onto video media.
Primarily, we have focussed on the FBI Central Vetting Center, in Soames Folly, Maryland, where nominees for high level government appointments are forced to go.
We are pleased to report that, sometime early next year, the Senate Committee on Scurrilous Scams and Embarrassments has agreed to hold hearings on vetting.
Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. executive Pinky Peebles is scheduled to testify at these hearings. Mr. Peebles is prepared to show a video presentation which will graphically illustrate the horrors that are, even today, ongoing at Soames Folly.
Among other things, the senators will see a waiting room filled with quivering, fearful nominees, including judges, business executives, mayors, philanthropists, cattlemen, and even realtors. These people, the heart and soul of American society, who only wish to contribute their myriad talents to the betterment of our country, can be seen sobbing, gagging, expectorating nervously, and, in some case, even lapsing into semi-comatose mumbling.
Sounds are heard from the nearby vetting rooms. One can hear the screams and pleadings of the vettees, begging the vetters to stop. One can hear the grinding and squealing of the huge, cast iron, steam powered vetting machines. One can seem to sense the sulphurous odors and other noxious emissions seeping into the waiting room. At the very least, could the FBI not afford to replace these archaic and unsanitary vetting machines with newer, boron-driven, less painful equipment? Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. is, by the way, prepared to supply such machines at a very reasonable cost, if, indeed, it would even partially help to lessen the agony of vetting.
But, of course, we hope against hope, that, in the end, the curse of vetting will be totally eliminated from American society.
 |
| Table of Contents |