Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. |
 |
|
|
|
Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. |
|
|
|
|
PROXIMUS BERTSCHULDER LTD is pleased to announce the acquisition of:
which is, arguably, the world's leading center of leading-edge science in the area of Industrial Contagion.
Located in a nondescript warehouse-like structure in a remote corner of
Cincinnati, Ohio, under its Director-in-Chief, Dr. Amory Seidelman Magnuson,
this institute has won worldwide acclaim over the past seventeen years for
its research and discovery in this burgeoning scientific area.
Although this work has no immediate possibility of enhancing the PROXIMUS BERTSCHULDER LTD product line, future opportunities are bright.
For example, the menace of Honduran Rug Blight is growing every day. Although still confined to Central America and Montevideo, it is only a matter of time before this problem spreads to the United States. To date, little is known of the manner in which this organism thrives, reproduces and spreads. However, Dr. Seidelman Magnuson and his associates are making inroads into this conundrum, both through flashes of brilliant insight and painstaking differential analyses.
We fear that, one of the days, you might notice the telltale signs on your carpet, dull red and green ellipses which grow and then divide, crossing many meters from rug to rug. Eventually, your rugs and carpets will decay into a sodden, reeking mass of disintegrated fibers. Luckily, barring mutation, this organism does not at all affect most living creatures (Sea Urchins are one known exception, but they are rare in carpets).
We at PROXIMUS BERTSCHULDER LTD (working with our new family at THE EOCENE-SEIDELMAN RESEARCH INSTITUTE) expect to find a preventative product for you before this happens.
In addition, we hope, eventually, to market some cunningly cute, infection proof, storm windows.
 |
| Table of Contents |