Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. |
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Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. |
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Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. is proud to introduce the MOBILE AMPHIBIOUS RIDING TRASH COMPACTER. This first-of-a-kind product has been thoroughly tested on a large volunteer user panel. Response has been overwhelmingly enthusiastic.
Rather then describing this product to you ourselves, we present some excerpts from the feedback of one of the typically ecstatic test subjects, to wit:
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I am a professor of Particle Physics in a leading university, and I spent my entire summer vacation traveling through Europe and Asia on my PROXIMUS BERTSCHULDER LTD. MOBILE AMPHIBIOUS RIDING TRASH COMPACTER®. I saw a host of fascinating places, and also, I daresay, made both of these continents a good deal cleaner, and with very little effort. The "AUTO CRUSH" setting made it very easy to select unsavory materials for compacting and disposal. The fuel efficiency was outstanding, and I found it easy to purchase additional fuel, even in the most remote areas. Wherever gasoline was not available, paper napkins and towels were! 
Furthermore,I was thrilled to receive so much attention and acclaim from bystanders everywhere. I am a very beautiful, I daresay, gorgeous woman, and I am not at all ashamed to have relished all the flattering attention, both to me and to the MOBILE AMPHIBIOUS RIDING TRASH COMPACTER®. One gentleman in Kyrghystan not only took me riding on one of his handsome Pryzbilian horses, but offered to trade seven of them to me in exchange for to the MOBILE AMPHIBIOUS RIDING TRASH COMPACTER® (as well as airplane tickets to complete my trip). Of course, I had to refuse, and he was gracious enough to treat me to dinner at a nearby Volgan restaurant. The food was delicious, especially the Murmansk lobster pate. After dinner, I showed him how easy it was to use the MOBILE AMPHIBIOUS RIDING TRASH COMPACTER® to clean up the broken shells, the broken crockery, and the potato skins. I am certain that this will be a successful product in the United States, perhaps particularly in Alabama, Northern California, and the wheat producing states, and I will recommend it to all of my colleagues at the university. 
Oh yes, it was also both exciting and impressive the way the MOBILE AMPHIBIOUS RIDING TRASH COMPACTER® rode out a violent squall in the Irish Sea at the same time it was collecting and compacting kelp at a rapid rate. And I liked the little emblem of the baby in the attic. Thank you so much for allowing me to help test this product. [NAME WITHHELD] |
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