Industry Announcements: Proximus Bertschulder Ltd.

Address inquiries to Proximus Bertschulder

Proximus Bertschulder Ltd.

27 January 1999

"i live in arizona and am in the later stages of febbys syndrome. i am wondering how much is the pinkmans ecstasy tonic and how i can order some. also, does the medicinal reduce the frequency of of the spenkmans tic seizures as well as ease the pain of carpal indigence?

by the way i was never bitten by the pique fly but i caught this from a park bench."

- Name Withheld

Dear Potential Customer,

Thank you for your interest in our upcoming product, "Pinkman's Ecstasy Tonic".

This product is not yet available on the market but will be as soon as we can get through the remaining checkpoints. Primarily, we need to finish the Systemic Feasibility Testing now in progress at the Fenk Institute of Human Tenability in Waco, Texas. We hope that this step will be completed no later than August 22, 1999. We then need to await the international price setting convocation, which will involve both FEMA and OPEC. Hopefully, this will be complete by February 7, 2000 and we will then be able to market the product 14 months after that.

However, we are pleased to inform you that you do not have Febby's Syndrome. We are certain of this for two reasons. First, Spenkman's tic seizures are NOT compatible with Febby's Syndrome, and, by the way, can be easily alleviated by topical application of beet sugar on a damp towel. Secondly, Febby's Syndrome cannot be contracted from a park bench.

What you do have (and your confusion is understandable) is Mock Febby's Syndrome, a moderately rare ailment which, to a large degree, mimics the symptomatic effects of true Febby's Syndrome, and, also, can result in Spenkman's tic seizures.

Mock Febby's is caused by a genetic imbalance in the Sonoran Chickenelm tree, the wood of which is often used in park benches.

Although there is no effective treatment for Mock Febby's, it is a benign ailment that will gradually abate and disappear with three to seven years.

Looking forward to treating a multitude of horrible medical problems that may come your way in the coming months, Proximus Bertschulder Ltd. remains your friend and staunch ally.

Yours truly,

H. Leeman Ordenvaarth III
Chairman, Senior Executive Spin Team

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